my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
