THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
