Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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