we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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