I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
