She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
