Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Damn victory sex feels great
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
