i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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