He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
