Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
