i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
