And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
