you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
