you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
