i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
