i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
