dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
