He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
