mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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