she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Houston, we have a blender
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
3 2 1 whiskey
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
