I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
