Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
