whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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