you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
