either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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