her facebook's as public as her vagina
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
