I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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