just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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