You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
