How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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