you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
