I am puke
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
