Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
