I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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