Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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