bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
