God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
