Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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