Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
