Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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