If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Where did you get a picture of my penis
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
