My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
