3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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