How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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