Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
