Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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