I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
