does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
