You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's blow job season.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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