I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
